i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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