All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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