rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
