Texts From Last Night

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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.

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  (574): I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI. http://tfl.nu/701e
  Replies (19) Good night (4016) Bad night (589)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.

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  (540): I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form. http://tfl.nu/y5wx
  Replies (10) Good night (575) Bad night (3318)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...

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  (518): Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table... http://tfl.nu/njar
  Replies (9) Good night (3521) Bad night (668)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype

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  (515): You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype http://tfl.nu/ca23
  Replies (10) Good night (4288) Bad night (1312)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.

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  (256): he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/xdnw
  Replies (60) Good night (817) Bad night (4191)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.

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  (806): This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night. http://tfl.nu/k0hc
  Replies (15) Good night (706) Bad night (3143)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.

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  (765): I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot. http://tfl.nu/xw8q
  Replies (12) Good night (3078) Bad night (1028)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.

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  (484): we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song. http://tfl.nu/huqy
  Replies (10) Good night (4786) Bad night (922)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.

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  (415): sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/mg5e
  Replies (21) Good night (6049) Bad night (1684)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning

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  (314): I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning http://tfl.nu/jesw
  Replies (1) Good night (874) Bad night (1121)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.

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  (404): You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car. http://tfl.nu/j1re
  Replies (3) Good night (1023) Bad night (1169)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.

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  (847): I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low. http://tfl.nu/gpfm
  Replies (2) Good night (824) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Oooh, he sounds pretty classy

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.

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  (720): We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini. (970): Oooh, he sounds pretty classy (720): Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died. http://tfl.nu/8k1p
  Replies (9) Good night (1108) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.

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  (202): I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out. http://tfl.nu/03ma
  Replies (4) Good night (829) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?

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  (818): Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding? http://tfl.nu/07ft
  Replies (1) Good night (504) Bad night (290)

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