Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes