he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?