I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
