Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
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Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
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2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?