Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
