Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.