Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall