And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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