Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!