I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.