I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
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I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?