Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.

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  (206): I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work. http://tfl.nu/jzpk
  Replies (31) Good night (3746) Bad night (758)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.

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  (317): honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill. http://tfl.nu/orse
  Replies (10) Good night (3937) Bad night (783)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry

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  (816): I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry http://tfl.nu/7m65
  Replies (25) Good night (964) Bad night (4534)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness

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  (617): I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness http://tfl.nu/m7sl
  Replies (21) Good night (5871) Bad night (972)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers

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  (508): but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers http://tfl.nu/9dwx
  Replies (1) Good night (2296) Bad night (984)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.

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  (608): She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party. http://tfl.nu/e28o
  Replies (7) Good night (2642) Bad night (995)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.

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  (319): After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it. http://tfl.nu/4aze
  Replies (4) Good night (1297) Bad night (685)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.

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  (518): I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them. http://tfl.nu/sunc
  Replies (5) Good night (2606) Bad night (700)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.

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  (413): She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list. http://tfl.nu/zy3q
  Replies (5) Good night (621) Bad night (1223)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.

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  (870): I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards. http://tfl.nu/javn
  Replies (13) Good night (796) Bad night (921)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.

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  (712): I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple. http://tfl.nu/5d4d
  Replies (1) Good night (945) Bad night (653)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch

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  (785): Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch http://tfl.nu/29tb
  Replies (6) Good night (681) Bad night (336)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.

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  (678): Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine. http://tfl.nu/3h43
  Replies (2) Good night (919) Bad night (333)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am

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  (647): The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am http://tfl.nu/2wd6
  Replies (0) Good night (483) Bad night (363)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...

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  (603): I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you... http://tfl.nu/8249
  Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (1024)

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