I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
