Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
