dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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