what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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