The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
