I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
