you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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