i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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