): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
