You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
