This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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