I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
