Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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