Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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