never play flip cup with pint glasses
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
