Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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