Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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