She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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