I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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