that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just tell him i said nine months
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
