I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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