that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
