id be glad to
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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