Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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