This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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