he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
