I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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