He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
