I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
