Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
