I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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