She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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