Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
