some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
sex in a hospital.. check
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
