just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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