Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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