Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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