found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
