We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
