its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
