and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
