He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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