Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
