a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
