Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
