So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
