I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
