1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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