Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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