Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
