i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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