your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize