she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
