brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
