apparently the secret to your success is patron
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
