How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
