Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
