is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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