frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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