he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
