Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
