I just threw up on my dentist
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize