If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
