They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
