My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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