i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
