Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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