Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
